Before the Adoption (PART 1: APPREHENSION)

 Finding out that I was adopted was a relief to me. Yeah it screwed me up royally but, I've certainly learned a lot about myself, and where I've come from. I want to bring your attention to before I found out I was adopted and before the adoption took place. I want to talk about from the time I was born to the time I was eighteen months old, the adoption if this makes any sense to you. My name hasn't always been Deejaegh. I was born under the name Stephanie Leah Gregor; my biological name. The name I was given from birth.

    I was born in July to my bio mom and bio dad. They both have different stories of how and who was at my birth. But, obviously I believe my fathers story over my mothers story any-day. My father has a picture for proof, and I believe the proof over false accusations any-day. I was told by my mother that my father was not at my birth, I was told the same thing by my mother's sister. However, there is a dated picture of my father and I, in which clearly stated that he was there in the hospital when I was born. At first, I believed the words she was saying, and now I am re-thinking everything she had said to me. The thing is when you've been lied to all of your life, and the truth finally gets revealed thats when you re-think everything in your life good or bad.

    I have reason that all is not what it seems with my biological mother. I've seen it first hand. The money hungry, the user, the abuser and more sides, that don't even make sense to me. She spread so much slander about my dad, that doesn't even hit the surface.Like literally I even felt like she was attacking him when she spoke of him. I know I am so off topic here but there is a method to my madness. This is how I process some things I can't get my head around.

    The biological mothers story doesn't make any sense. She told me that she had left me with a friend who had A.D.H.D who had been dead for several years by the time I had found her. My father however told me they were both too young, and that is something I believe. Here's the story I believe to be true with everything I have been told and then I will tell you each story from my mom side to my fathers side of the story and lets see what really matches up for my "Apprehension Story".

DEEJAEGH THOUGHT (APPREHENTION)

    I was born in July 1989 to my mother and father under the name Stephanie L Gregor, and my father was at the hospital with my mother; while she was giving birth to me. Her sister was there with my mothers whole family, while my fathers family wanted nothing to do with me, nor my father. He was alone with no family support. My parents, were not together by the time I was born. My father found that my mother was cheating on him so, he had broken it off with her before I was born.

    My mother was living in a motel at the time of my birth, this is my belief. I was told different though. This is just my assumption however. My mother was possibly seeing someone else at the time of my birth. This is also an assumption. As time goes by my mother proves that she is unfit to take care of me. She forgets me in a locked motel room, and goes out to party or goes out to get cigarettes. While she was gone, I start crying and someone hears me crying.

    They call the police and the police call family and children's services formerly known as The Children's Aid Society. My mother comes back, and the worker talked to her. They had apprehended me because she left me. So they took me when I was 6 months old.

BIO MOTHERS THOUGHT (APPREHENTION)

    I was told by my Bio mother that my father was not even at my birth. In fact, he wanted nothing to do with me. She then went on to tell me that he left her over something stupid like an argument and that the break-up was in fact, his fault. She said that we lived in two apartments before I was apprehended and it was not her fault. She then went on to tell me that she had a friend living with us and he had A.D.H.D, and had been conveniently dead for a number of years.

    She said that she had left me with him to go to the store to go get cigarettes, and then he had left me in the motel room to go do something else. By the time she came back to the room the Children's Aid Society had been there with me. She apparently told them that it was not her fault.

DEEJAEGH'S THOUGHTS ON MY MOTHERS SIDE!

    Her side of the story does not make any sense to me. My mother, then admitted to me that she had lost contact with this possible person after I was adopted. So, how in the hell did she know that this unknown person was dead? I'm sorry but, that is way to convenient.I can tell that this story had been concocted to keep her out of the spotlight. No offense to her but, I don't know why she wouldn't want to tell me the absolute truth. It's something I've wanted people to tell me since I had found out that I did not belong to the Adoptive mother biologically.

    Honestly, it gives me the creeps when people lie to me or change the story even to cover something up. In my bio mothers case, she did both. She lied to me and covered up the absolute truth in which, is horrible to do. I find it discusting to blame other people for the faults of your own, if I was my own child; I would want my child to know what really happened, and who was there for me. But, some people like my bio mother can't even do that.

    I would rather be hurt by the truth, then scared by the lies, slander, manipulation, abuse and being used. Being lied to, scared by, slandered behind my back, manipulated in front of my face, abused to be kept in line, and used like a bitch, really scared me. It also, helped me determine what kind of person she really is.She's the kind of person to make stories up about anything and anyone to protect the fantasies she has made up for herself.

    This is the woman who also admitted that she had A.D.H.D to me, and then said it was someone else who had A.D.H.D who had left me. Yet, that person and her lost contact after I was apprehended. Does this seem familiar to you? I think she's an unfit mother, who in order to protect the truth from coming out, puts the blame onto another person. She's the one who left me in the motel room, and she's the one who covered it up to make me think she was the good guy in all of this.This is what I've been thinking for the last couple of years, and to be really honest with you I've had to lose all contact with her because of everything.

MY FATHERS THOUGHT (APPREHENTION)

    My father told me that he wanted something to do with me, he was even at my birth and at the hospital. He had showed me proof with a dated picture. He then told me that he had found out that she was cheating on him, and he left her because she cheated on him. My step-mother even backed this up. Then he had said to me that he felt that she really wasn't a good mother, and that's something I believe to be true.

    He then said to me that they were both too young to be parents and were no way, shape or form ready to be parents. That was all he had said and what we talked about a couple years back.

DEEJAEGH'S THOUGHTS ON MY FATHERS SIDE (APPRHENTION)

    This is the truth, I know my father would not lie to me. They both were too young my mother being 20 and my father being 21. I knew from the day I met my father that he does tell the truth. I know that his parents didn't want anything to do with myself, my sisters and my father as well. This has all been backed up 100%. I've seen the dated pictures in fact. As they say "the truth is in the pudding." I can believe that my mother cheated on him, and I think I know with whom. It's not my second step father though. 

    I know that my bio mother wasn't a good mother and I wont say why. When you are too young to have children, and recognise that good on you for wanting better for them. I am so proud of my father for at least recognising this, and doing the best thing for me even though it hurt him.

CONCLUSION

    Now that you've gotten every aspect of the apprehension mine, my bio mothers, and my bio father; what do you think is right? Which one makes closer sense to the story I've provided for you? My fathers or mothers? When I look at my fathers side of things it makes more sense to what I have provided. The inconsistencies my mother provided don't even make any sense to me.I know why she'd lie to me about everything. Do I need closure about it.......NAH........I have the closure that I need. I'll share my closure in a later post.

𝒟𝑒𝑒𝒿𝒶𝑒𝑔𝒽