Nightmare About Being Two

    Introduction

    For the last 30 some wad years I have had really bad nightmares about something that happened when I was about two years old. I often tell people about the nightmares and some, come up with excuses to justify it like "It's only in your imagination" or "You can't remember anything until you're five years old. How can you have a nightmare about something that "could have happened when you were two?" I think you may need to get your head checked!" Let me tell you something! When someone has a traumatic brain injury caused by PTSD A.K.A Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, people or children from which who had gotten abused, tend to remember everything about the abuser, what they've done, and how they've done the abuse. 

    To tell you the truth PTSD is not only a brain injury, it causes your body. mind and soul to react to other trauma's and anxiety's, that were not too bad, in a really bad manor. I don't care what others have to say about PTSD not being a traumatic brain injury. Technically it is, especially in cases like mine where I was emotionally, physically and Psychologically abused.

Source: Quora via Google Image

 You can see that the Healthy Brain is on the Left side of the picture. When we have trauma brain or An Abused Brain shown on the right side. If you look at the right side, there is no activity where the temporal lobe is and into the front of the brain.

    This is why I think that PTSD and C-PTSD should be considered a Traumatic Brain injury. I know I am going on and on about this but, to get to my story I wanted to just explain something about this Condition a little bit. It's how I explain things. I know that this might be confusing but, that's what PTSD and C-PTSD are. They are very confusing to understand. Sometimes when we are diagnosed with something so confusing just like PTSD/C-PTSD, we try to understand it. That's what I did, and that's what I still have to do to this day. That's what everyone does when they can't understand the diagnosis. So here is my story about being two and having nightmares about it.

Nightmare about being Two

    I don't know why I keep having this nightmare. Sometimes I don't have this nightmare for months and other times it's almost like I have it daily. I don't know why I keep having these nightmares, or how I have them. All I know is that these nightmares about being two happen. Lets get started shall we?

    I don't know what time it was because obviously I had no concept of time at that age. All I do remember was when I woke up from my nap I could see the sun beaming into my room, on four white walls that had nothing on them. I could see the wood of my crib, in which it was in the middle of the room away form the walls. There was a rocking chair with a blanket on it, and I could see the door of my room open. The door was made of wood, like a medium dark stained oak. The baseboards are the same color. The bedroom was pretty small, and the sun was blinding on that day.

    I don't remember if it was warm out, all I know is that the window in my room was a front facing window to the outside of the of the house. My room was right by the long drive-way, which was straight, and made of ash-fault. The driveway, went out to a street that had to be grated because it was a side road. My room however was also by the garage, and whenever the doors opened, I could hear them. The carpet in my room was white, and going back out that large window, when I could finally stand I could also see a large green yard, with chicken wire for a fence.

    When I was awake, I started to call my Adoptive mother. But she didn't come. I then got up in my crib, and I called to her again. I know she heard me because, she was right down the long hallway that leads to a kitchen/dinning room set that was closed off before the renovation. She was talking to someone down the hall, that sounded like another woman. I called to her again over, and over again but, she didn't come again. I was little and I was trying to get my adoptive mother's attention. I didn't know what to do. I started to get frantic and I started to cry, and yell mamma, mamma, mamma, over and over again. I then started to scream because she was not coming to me.I wanted out of my crib. It started to feel like a jail cell to me. I continued to scream and cry because no one would come and get me.

    Then finally, my adoptive father noticed the crying, and screaming. He came to my aid, and all I remember I said to him was "Mamma". It took 30 minutes I think for someone to realize that I was awake. My father took me out to where they had company over. It was a family gathering in the kitchen, dinning room, and the family room. This is all I remember, from that day. I still don't remember why she didn't come to my aid, and my father did. But, I owe it all to him for being a great father. Even in those days. This is why I respect my father more then I do my mother.

Last Words

    If you are going to adopt or even have children please take a minute before doing so. If you can't take care of them fully meaning, emotionally and mentally, then don't have them. Being a parent is tiring and exhausting work, and they need a lot of love and attention. If you can't provide them with that, then don't have them. I find that people especially the ones who adopt or foster tend to hurt these poor children, especially when they can't provide the main comforts a child needs. Children need good homes, who love, care, respect and attention. 

    I see that some of the people I've known through the years treat their children with dire and utter falus, and then the child or children don't succeed. Take it from me, I am one of those children. I see it with people going in and out of shelters and I also sometimes see it amongst my own friends or acquaintances. Our children are precious souls, that should be treated as such. I advocate for those who can't stand up for themselves. This is who I am, and I wont sugar coat it as such.

Deejaegh Beck